A breakup or divorce places us in turmoil and the things we are familiar with suddenly turn upside down. Negative thoughts and deep and dark feelings are normal in this phase. A view of the problems and emotions becoming permanent is often all we see. Because of the stress to our body and brains, the solutions are often hidden and all we see is lack and limitation. After my marriage to a woman I was with for 26 years ended, at that time I was fearful that at almost 50 years old I would never meet another woman. Crazy thoughts entered my head. I witnessed all of the shallow relationships in existence and figured it was too much to go online to find dates and do the things that today’s world required to meet someone quality. I was tired after all of those years and from having my marriage end. It is five years later and I now have the love of my life and did not have to go through a dating site to meet her. We have joint friends together and the introduction and dating process have been a perfect synchronicity for me.
All of my fears were unfounded, not just about finding a relationship but also with all of the other aspects, like finance. I spent most of my time in fears and doubts. If I could do it all over again, I would handle myself much differently at those difficult and crucial moments leading up to the divorce.
My focus was so much on my wife and keeping my family together before the divorce. I did not see my own value and only allowed catastrophic thoughts to enter my mind. I sank into a mild depression where I thought I needed my wife in order for my life to work out.
I learned a lot about myself since then, and you will learn and adapt too in your situation. As simple as this may sound, there is one central belief you must have in order to speed your recovery and heal from a divorce or breakup. It is simply this: “I know I have what it takes to get over this breakup and live life on my terms.”
The above simple belief lifts the stress of thinking you will be stuck forever where you are currently. The focus is pulled off the other person and places you squarely in charge. Own the fact that everything will be great going forward.
Trust yourself and see the value you have inside to not stay stuck and to start generating solutions today. Spend your time figuring your new life out versus living in past experiences, emotions, and problems. Forgive yourself for anything you didn’t do perfectly and simply own that life is moving forward for you.