After my wife mentioned our divorce for the first time, a scarcity mindset kicked in and fear was dominant. I hung on her every statement and emotion for months with the wish that I could save our marriage and family. I committed to the point that I was angry when things didn’t hope and when I felt like I was the only one investing in “until death due us part.”
I noticed I was more angry in general and would be shorter with people than I was prior. I was creating an outcome and expectation in my mind about how the wife and family relationship needed to be and it was adding a lot of stress and pressure for me. This was because my expectations and reality were not lining up. When we get our hopes up and things don’t happen the way we think they should, we tend to be unhappy or lacking peace.
With all of the events that were adding to stress, one night I just took off in my car without even having a destination in mind. It was like when Forrest Gump started running and just kept going. My story wasn’t that drastic but it was key because it was the first night I started to build in some separation from my divorce mentality and it allowed me to start breathing a little bit. I drove through some of my favorite places around Denver and then into the mountains for a few hours. I played my favorite music in the car and just forgot about my problems for a while. I didn’t have to discuss the topic with anyone and just took some well needed time for myself. I started building that into my routine to help me let go easier.
Even if you are still fresh in the emotions of a breakup, try to create separation. It will be a while before you can fully let go, but short breaks from it can make a huge difference to how much pressure you feel. Just let off steam and take a compartmentalized time frame.
Also, lighten your expectations up. If somebody broke up with you and your happiness depends on that person calling or texting you, it could set you up for failure. The best focus is to release and surrender and start taking care of yourself. Many people want to get the attention of their ex partner by showing them what they are missing out on. They chose to be gone, so make the direction all about you. Soon enough life will step in and show you what is great about your new direction.