When we are stuck in the thick of terrible emotions such as rejection, loneliness, and fear after being discarded from a relationship, it is easy to stay stuck without some mental interventions to help us past it. A friend once told me, we are like CDs playing and the CD plays the same until we put a scratch on it. Our minds loop over and over. I created the following six questions to help me distance myself mentally from my divorce:
- What is great about this breakup (or divorce), or what could be?
- Was there ever a time when you thought about breaking up the relationship yourself? Why?
- What are some qualities or beliefs of your ex that drove you crazy?
- What are some of the things that you would never do with your ex but would do now that you are out of the relationship?
- What are the differences in the relationship that you had to compromise on consistently?
- What are some of the relationships they had (family, friends) with people who drove you crazy or brought stress to your life?
This is a starting point for you. Feel free to create more questions of your own. If you start missing your partner, simply pull out your answers to these questions and you will be able to distance yourself from the need to hold on any longer than necessary.